Goals: Calling it Quits


One of the biggest lessons I learned from long distance running is learning to pay attention to your body when your ego wants to take over. Learning to say when enough is enough. When to stop when something can cause more damage than good. A few months back, I blogged/Vlogged about starting to work with a coach towards the goal of competing in the bikini or figure division for the first time. I worked with this coach for 4 months and realized that a lot was wrong with the program, so I called it quits. It lead me to binge. My carbs were far lower than they should have been. I was forced to stop my passion of running. I was exhausted, frustrated, negative and hating my workouts. I now realize I should have researched more into coaches before jumping into working with one that was well known on social media.

Through all this I am trying to recover from those few months as I felt it was a large strain on my mental being. I am trying to get back to loving myself physically and mentally for what I am NOW, rather than what I want to be. Since stopping this crazy program, I went to IIFYM (If it fits your macros) and added in a ‘normal’ amount of carbs. With no surprise, I gained all the weight I had lost during those 4 months…plus some. I would love to say that I am okay with that, but I am only human. It does suck and I am working towards a happy, balanced lifestyle yet again. Also, I refuse to let myself get grossly obsessed with the little things like I was for those few months (I am talking I would get mad at myself if I didn’t drink my full 2 gallons of water…RIDICULOUS right?). I also refuse to get obsessed with the constant looking for results day in day out. It is just unrealistic!

So my goal to compete in bikini or figure? I have decided to scrap it. Personally, I don’t feel the mental strain it can put on a person is totally worth it. I feel I would be competing for all the wrong reasons and I may lose a large part of me in the process. I hated the emotional and mental instability I experienced during those 4 months. Extreme highs to extreme lows in MINUTES. Snappiness towards those who love and support me. I was losing passion for what I once was so passionate about, I felt like a monster! All this stress and build up just to go on stage with a horrible spray tan, heels and a bikini to be judged and placed by a panel? So not worth it in my opinion.

I am not saying that competitors all experience these mood swings or negative pressures I felt during this time. I just know with my past and the mental things I still deal with on a regular basis, competing would only be destructive for my well being. So I have decided to pull the plug and get back to me. Get back to running and the things I am truly passionate about.

Thank you all for your constant support! Love you all so much!


11 thoughts on “Goals: Calling it Quits

  1. I had actually tried to ask you before how you felt about the online coaches being accused of causing metabolic damage to their online clients…there has been a huge social media fall out between some coaches it’s sort of epic to watch. I’m glad your strong enough to realize what you need to do for you! As for the competing thing, there are a few competitors that I follow on ig and all of them get ‘fluffy’ on the off season, so I guess taking yourself off the competition meal is resetting your body. Keep on going girlie, you will make it to where you want your own way!

    • I have been very intrigued with the metabolic damage/disturbance topic. I don’t know enough about it to comment if my 4 months with a coach could possibly have had that as an affect but I do see a lot of my favorite IGers coming forward with their horrifying experiences! I am taking a few seminars on metabolic disturbance for my PT cert update in November so Im excited to learn more that for sure. I watch Biolayne a lot and hes got some great words on these ‘coaches’ that are doing horrible things with their clients! I am deciding not to compete at all just because A) i dont feel it is for me and it will be very damaging to my mental being B) its too expensive to just try out and see if it is for me haha. I miss my running TERRIBLY so I will be going back to that. I need to feel my fire and passion back and thats the plan! Thank you so much girl!

  2. That sounds smart to me. Running is your passion. We were just talking yesterday about how running helps our moods and gives us mental clarity and stability. Take it away and we can all become grumps and downers real fast.
    Weight continues to throw curveballs for me too. I find that when I run more per week I actually tend to gain weight vs. weeks of little to no running. But overall I’ve managed to keep my weight loss intact other than about 10 lbs that popped back on a year ago or so, mysteriously! I figure 10 out of 115 isn’t bad, but like you I’m not satisfied and plan to shed that again and a little more to reach my goals in 2014.

    • Thanks for your CONSTANT support, Bert. Seriously, you are awesome. I found that with my running for a while as well when I was doing a lot of steady state longer runs. When I was coaching my 10 km group, with all the speed and hill interval work I did..I saw a lot of change on the scale personally. I plan on getting back to the full distance again sometime but going to get on to the HALF wagon for a bit before then. Need to get back to my “happy weight” before the full. As you know those few extra lbs are so obvious on the joints so I want to try and make it as easy as I can before I get into the 26.2 again! You have accomplished SO much. Seriously so proud to be in contact with someone like you! and you are right, 10 lbs is nothing in the scheme of things. I fluctuate 10 or so lbs off my happy weight (like right now).. as much as it sucks, its not as bad as the whole “SHABANG” haha. WE GOT THIS BUD!! 😀

  3. Everything that you said – so true. I’m sad to say that I tried force myself into a workout pigeon-hole for much longer than four months, and I hated myself for not doing / accomplishing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Now I’m working out and loving it. Life is too short to be miserable, and hate what you do! Serious applause for listening to your heart, and getting back to what you love. You’ve been my running inspiration, and I recall your videos from running near the ocean and in wooded areas – so beautiful! If I lived in such a place, I’d hit the pavement (or trail!) regularly!

    • YES YES YES! TOTALLY agree. Gotta LOVE what you do or what is it all worth? I missed the fire in my belly and passion and Im SO very happy to be back at it. You are too kind! Its funny! I felt like I lost my identity in a way because I was always known as the runner on my Youtube as well as in my group of friends. So it is SO good to be getting back into things. You are right too. I live in the perfect place for runners to live lol! ESPECIALLY at this time of year! The ocean air, the brisk air on my face, the crunchy leaves and the sun beaming on my back? AH Nothing beats it! Can’t wait to get running longer distances again! Thanks so much for your support and kind words 🙂

  4. Best post ever. It’s always good to step outside your comfort zone and try something else (I should take my own advice!), but it’s really important to acknowledge when that something just isn’t right for you.

    I started following that trainer on IG because of you and Jess, and I have to say she strikes me as way too over the top. But I thought that just be because it’s not really my scene. I’m sure what she’s doing works for some people, but it’s good you could recognize it didn’t work for you and you identified what you’d rather be doing.

    You have to be happy to be healthy!

    • Aww thanks so much Jaime! I do find it to be a little over the top. I know there are ways to compete without being that way and Im sure I could do that. But I know my heart wouldn’t be in it! I love running too much and have missed it so much! Its important to live healthy not only through food and workouts but through your mindset. I am so happy with this choice! Thanks for commenting ❤ 🙂

  5. I’m glad you realized how horrible this coach was and quit with her. However, I wouldn’t give up on competing just yet. I’ve competed twice (withouth a coach) and it is such an amazing experience. I didn’t carb, sodium, water deplete. I didn’t do anything unhealthy to be stage ready and I placed 4th & 3rd in both bikini competitions. If it’s something you truely have NO interest in anymore, then ignore me lol. I just want to make sure you know that your past experience is not the only way and definitely not the right way to do a comp. When I first looked into competitions, I was also put off by the things I read. Even AT the competition, I was disgusted by some of the competitor’s behaviors. Girls/Guys that were dehydrated, some of which were backstage drinking alcohol to further dehydrate their bodies. If you’re really interested in competing, do it the right way. Competition prep doesn’t have to be miserable…none of my preps were miserable.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I’ll admit the experience with this coach was a late reason why I decided to pass on the goal. Personally I feel lost and unsure of a lot of the competitions lifestyle so I feel like I wouldn’t know enough to do it on my own (eg posing etc). Maybe I’ll look back at this goal in the future but now it’s about getting the extra weight I gained post coach off hah. I looked for books on competition stuff but I felt lost and unsure what to look for. If you have any suggestions I’d be so grateful! Thank you for the support. Really means a lot!

      • If I had this inital experience, I would DEFINITELY be like “to hell with competing!!!’ lol…To be completely honest with you, I offering fitness/meal plan coaching but not for competitions. I work under someone who’s been doing this much longer than I have. I can completely vouch for this person’s integrity and knowledge of health/fitness in all arenas. He’s also very passionate about HEALTH. I caps locked that because that’s something that is absent from a lot of “fitness gurus.” His site is http://bradleymartyn.com/ in case you’re interested. However you dedcide to proceed, please don’t give up on your goal because of this experience. As silly as it looks/sounds of being tanned an unnatural color and having people judge your physique lol…it’s soo rewarding. You DO actually meet some good people and it gives you such a sense of accomplishment 🙂

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