For the last year or so, I have been struggling on and off with bouts of anxiety and depression. Elements that I cannot recall feeling prior to this time in my life. The toughest part is, majority of the time, I cannot express why I am feeling this way. I just wake up feeling overwhelmed with thoughts that almost paralyze me from doing things. Sometimes it would even wake me up from my sleep and I would lay there until morning just thinking and worrying. I haven’t felt like myself. The hardest thing for me, and always has been, is asking for help when I need it most. I only recently have opened up about these struggles to my amazing husband and loved ones. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
But as of recent, I have felt some relief. I cannot speak to this being a permanent feeling. But I am just going to go with it. I have decided to go back to a habit I followed when I embarked on my journey to a healthier me back in 2009, and I do believe it will help me a lot. I have stopped drinking. This is just a personal preference, I am by no means saying that you are unhealthy if you drink. No, no, no. I just find personally, after having a little alcohol (as little as a glass of wine with dinner), I feel my anxiety worsens for a few days after it being in my system. As much as I love a glass of chardonnay, it isn’t worth feeling overwhelmingly anxious for almost a week after. It really isn’t for me. So I rather cut it out all together.
I am not a big drinker. I had my party stage when I turned 19 for about 3 months, until I grew sick of it (Literally..I would get so sick even from just 2 glasses of alcohol). But since our wedding, I’ve been having a glass of wine here and there. It is a habit I never really had before and is the only thing I think could have corrolation to how I have been feeling. Just how my body reacts to alcohol to begin with (eg: getting sick after 2 glasses of alcohol even when I don’t feel it at all buzz-wise), it wouldn’t surprise me that these feelings could be made worse through alcohol. So I am choosing just to step away all together.
I figured I would write on this today to:
A) keep myself accountable
B) let people know that everyone can feel this way, and you are not alone (you are always free to contact me!)
C) I feel like I am lacking in the blogging department as of late 😉
D) To stop the “omg no wine? ARE YOU PREGNANT” comments before they happen, haha! I get this comment a lot when I don’t drink, I have the flu or I am craving things. Ever since Matt and I got hitched, that is the biggest question I get. Maybe it is time I start messing people and say yes just to see the response ;).
But back to feeling the way I have, I know things will get better. Life ebbs and flows. I do think cutting out alcohol will help me quite a bit. If you feel you need support or someone just to talk to as a friend, know you can contact me with the information listed in the contact tab! Thank you for always accepting me through and through. I am truly thankful for those readers and viewers that get in contact with me on a regular. You guys ROCK!